Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
