I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
