my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone came in the potted fern
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
