I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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