it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
