Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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