I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
