Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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