It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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