Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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