Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize