I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
