Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
