Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
