my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
