I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
