Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
