wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
