Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
