$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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