Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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