Say something about gay babies.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
