i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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