There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
