Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it. http://tfl.nu/np4v
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you http://tfl.nu/i2qz
  Replies (27) Good night (5421) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school. http://tfl.nu/iqns
  Replies (20) Good night (978) Bad night (5852)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life. http://tfl.nu/dy8h
  Replies (17) Good night (5336) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (3212) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning http://tfl.nu/dohz
  Replies (15) Good night (3933) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5877) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture. http://tfl.nu/8896
  Replies (3) Good night (1087) Bad night (2293)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
  Replies (20) Good night (3115) Bad night (4945)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing http://tfl.nu/c12t
  Replies (6) Good night (1413) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1925) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug. http://tfl.nu/cbeo
  Replies (7) Good night (1179) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband. http://tfl.nu/3etq
  Replies (3) Good night (553) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon. http://tfl.nu/bx6h
  Replies (5) Good night (1954) Bad night (717)

Randomize