first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.