My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
