Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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