You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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