i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
