The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
