update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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