Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
