cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
