i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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