I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
