do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
