I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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