Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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