either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
