i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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