I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
