I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't turn off my feet"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
