Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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