Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
