So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
3pm strippers are depressing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
