my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
