i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
