Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's official drugs can't kill me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
