I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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