It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
