I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
