I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
