I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
