i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
