brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
