I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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