I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
