The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
