its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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