Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
