her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
