i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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