my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
