Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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