yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
