That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
