i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
