the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
