the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
